More Self-Love, Less Self-Criticism, feat. The Fab Five
It’s likely an unsurprising fact that low self-esteem over time negatively impacts mental health and vice versa. Self-esteem can be defined as how you view and respect yourself as a person. People who practice self-love tend to strive for better and happier things in life solely because they believe that they deserve them. When a person struggles to believe that they are deserving of respect and good things, this damages their self-esteem, which can spiral into a host of undesirable behaviors.
Self-destructive behaviors
Low self-esteem in childhood can eventually lead to addiction problems and self-destructive behaviors in adolescence and adulthood. Self-destructive behaviors can take various forms, including but not limited to substance dependency, risky sexual behavior, obsessive gambling, binge-eating, and self-harm. A study conducted at Florida State University in conjunction with The University of Miami “found that low self-esteem and peer approval of drug use at age eleven predicted drug dependency at age twenty” in adolescent males. In this study, the participants who struggled with low self-esteem as children were 1.6 times more likely to depend on drugs later in life. In addition to increasing self-destructive behaviors, low self-esteem also negatively impacts social functioning.
Especially considering how early children can be affected by low self-esteem and how long its consequences can follow them through life, it is so important to teach them how to combat self-criticism. Be More, in addition to our advocacy online and social media, provides evidence-based in-school programs that teach students skills to develop confidence in themselves. In our school curriculum, students participate in a "values identification" exercise intended to boost non-physical self-esteem.
Risk factors
Low self-esteem can be exacerbated by stressful life events, such as divorce, abuse, or poor treatment at work. Nguyen et al’s 2019 study focused on high schoolers in Vietnam and analyzed the risk factors for poor self-esteem, along with its consequences. They found that abuse at home or school, poor academics, and high academic stress all positively correlated with declining self-esteem in students. Following this finding, they also discovered that “low self-esteem contributed significantly to anxiety, depression, and suicide among adolescents.” Those in the study who dealt with poor self-esteem had twice the odds of developing anxiety symptoms and five times the odds of having depression than those who had a positive image of self.
Queer Eye was always “more than a makeover”
While barriers to self-esteem such as negative self-talk and comparison to others can feel difficult to combat, one popular show has provided invaluable examples of what it looks like to work on self-esteem. When Queer Eye was released on Netflix in 2018, many expected a makeover show with quirky hosts. Viewers quickly realized that this show was more than that. The hosts not only help their “heroes” revamp their look but also work through the psychological components that hold them back from achieving their goals and being the person they want to be. Karamo Brown, Queer Eye’s “culture expert,” is a licensed social worker and uses his time with each hero as something akin to a therapy session. Unsurprisingly, many of the heroes in the show deal with low self-esteem.
Season 3, Episode 4: “When Robert Met Jamie”
The fourth episode of season three focuses on Robert, a man who struggles to be kind to himself in the weeks before his wedding. In his interactions with the Fab Five, the hosts of the show, he consistently uses self-deprecating humor and criticizes his appearance. Tan France, the show’s style expert, is the first to call him out on it, insisting that he stop any negative self-talk and self-deprecating jokes. In Robert’s meetings with Karamo, they discuss how important it is to realize that the damaging messages that Robert is hearing are internal and that other people do not view him in the same negative way he views himself. Karamo leads him in an exercise during which they make a physical list of the things that Robert likes about himself, encouraging him to reframe those negative thoughts and turn them into something positive.
Key takeaways from this episode:
Avoid self-deprecating humor and negative self-talk
Focus on what you like about yourself - make a list of these attributes and go back to it whenever you find yourself spiraling into low self-esteem
Season 5, Episode 1: “Preaching Out Loud”
Season five’s first episode centers around a gay pastor named Noah who struggles with how late in life he came out and how to empower his congregation. During their style fitting, Tan encourages Noah to wear clothes that make him feel empowered and amazing, showing him that something as simple as an outfit change can boost his confidence. Karamo and Noah later sit down with several LGBTQ+ pastors, allowing Noah to fellowship with other individuals who have had similar journeys. Karamo prompts him to figure out the root of his feelings so that he can move forward and feel confident in who he is. The other pastors then challenge Noah with the most impactful question of the episode: Would he tell the people he cares about the same things he tells himself
Key takeaways from this episode:
Wear clothes that make you feel empowered and amazing
Learn where your negative feelings about yourself originate so you can move past that point and gain confidence in yourself
Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love
Season 6, Episode 2: “Angel Gets Her Wings”
The second episode of 2022’s season focuses on Angel, a trans female bodybuilder who is on a journey to feel comfortable in her femininity. Angel and Jonathan Van Ness quickly strike up camaraderie and he shows her how practicing self-care can contribute to an increase in confidence. They later discuss the importance of knowing that she shouldn’t need validation from others in order to feel confident in who she is because the only person she can truly control is herself. Tan helps her identify where she feels the most confidence and encourages her to keep that same energy in other spaces. One of the most impactful lines of the episode: “I want you to be kinder to yourself when you look in the mirror.”
Key takeaways from this episode:
Practicing self-care can increase self-esteem because doing so is an act of self-love
Remind yourself that you don’t need validation from others in order to feel confident in who you are
Be kind, be kind, be kind to yourself when you look in the mirror
While low self-esteem negatively impacts mental health, there are many ways to combat and overcome it. Actively practicing self-love in moments of poor self-esteem is key in order to reframe those negative thoughts, whether that be making a list of positive things about yourself or saying something kind to what you see in the mirror. For adolescents, checking out Be More’s amazing resources and in-school curriculum is a great place to start. Going from poor self-esteem to self-love can feel like an impossible leap, but small steps, one at a time, are more manageable. Those small steps towards self-love will someday help you realize that you have always deserved good things and you are worthy enough to claim them.