Take Photos with Your Kids

I was 18 years old when I realized I had no recent photos of me and my mother.

It was Mother’s Day and everyone was posting online about how much they loved the maternal figures in their lives, but I couldn’t participate. The last photo I had taken of me and my mother was when I was 12 years old, that’s about the last time she posed for any photo.

Her fear of cameras, of being seen, of being perceived as not pretty or skinny enough, was rooted in my development. I used it as an example, refusing to pose in photos from 13 to 17 years old, worried that photos of myself would end up on my mother’s social media where the same eyes she didn’t want seeing her, would see me.

Even now, at 24, I have only a handful of photos with my mother. While I’ve grown comfortable in my own skin, with my own weight gain, and my own insecurities, my mother still hasn’t. I take sneaky photos of her when she isn’t paying attention. I keep videos of my pets where she is talking in the background.

I save these memories like a hoarder holding onto old magazines, living in the fear that if I lose them, I will lose myself.

Children inherit body image and self-esteem through their parents.

The way a mother or a father interacts with the world and their own body, a child will mirror.

Healthy and unhealthy behaviors are cataloged and remembered well into adulthood. Middle- and high-school-age kids know what Weight Watcher points are, they know what keto is, and they know about juice cleanses, not just from the internet but from their own households.

The fad diets kids see their parents attempt and the values those diets instill forever impact the way they view food and themselves. 

Food should never be villainized in a household.

Unfortunately, fad dieting vilifies certain foods or food groups. Carbs, fats, sugars are all grouped into “bad” categories, while vegetables, low-calorie snacks, and meal replacement shakes are viewed as “good.”

When these ideals are brought into a household, even if just one parent is following the diet, the practices are still passed down to the kid.

Hearing your mother say, “I’ll eat later,” when you know she won’t is damaging. Seeing your dad only drink a protein shake for breakfast is unhealthy.

Seeing parents put so much of their own self-worth into their own appearance gives kids permission to do the same.

Insecurities are at the forefront of so many households, and in many cases are accidentally taught from parent to child.

Luckily, just as unhealthy practices are passed down from generation to generation, so can healthy practices.

Some parents go for a body-neutral approach, refusing to vilify any foods or weights.

Some remove scales from the household, in order to get rid of the focus on a number in which value is inherently given.

Some choose to wear exactly what they want to wear, whether that is a tank top, leggings, or a swimsuit, they aren’t afraid to show off their body.

Parents choose to be unapologetically themselves, improving both their confidence and the confidence of their children. These actions feel radical, especially when we live in a world that is so focused on looks and weight, but they shouldn’t be.

Living a body-positive and healthy life should be normalized and celebrated. 

A small step to take is to take pictures with your kids. Show them that you aren’t afraid to be photographed, that you are confident in how you look. Show them that they don’t need a filter, they don’t need Facetune, they just need to embrace themselves.

Nothing is prettier than confidence, and parents can help nurture that confidence in their kids.

Before you know it, your tweens will be teens, and then they’ll be adults, and the more they love their bodies and themselves, the better off they’ll be as they navigate the world.  

Here are 5 ways your body image impacts your kids and what you can do about it:

You place a lot of emphasis on a number on a scale 

Weight is not an indicator of health.

Placing a lot of importance on the number on a scale can lead to body dissatisfaction and guilt surrounding food habits.

This things are noticed by kids.

Simple comments and actions surrounding weight can make tweens and teens place that emphasis on themselves, viewing their own bodies as works-in-progress, rather than a body that is strong and healthy.

Going scale-free can remove this problem. Don’t have discussions about weight around your kids, and don’t vilify any numbers as good or bad.

Weight should be a neutral topics, and no bodies or sizes should be looked at as bad, ugly, or negative, and none should be looked at as better than other. 

You view dessert as a “reward” or give foods “good” and “bad” labels

Giving certain foods “good” or “bad” labels can create an influence on your child’s relationship with food for years to come. Living in a house that views carbs as bad, or doesn’t every have cookies or chips, can create feelings of guilt surrounding those foods when they are eaten.

Society tends to place a moral compass on certain foods, leading people to think they are “better” because they eat mostly fruits a vegetables, and labeling those who eat carbs or sweets lazy or bad. This can lead to disordered eating and bad relationships to food for both adults and kids.

All foods should be accessible to children, with emphasis on the benefits they all provide in moderation. Being able to teach children how to enjoy both salads and sweets without guilt is essential, and that starts with your plate.

You yo-yo diet or skip meals

If you do “lost-weight” fast diets, take supplements, or skip meals, you are directly normalizing and teaching the kids in your household to do the same.

Some diets, like being dairy-free, vegan, or vegetarian can be for lifestyle or health reasons, and that is totally fine.

However, when diet changes are happening for only a few months, or with the goal of weight loss in mind, that ingrains itself into the minds of children and will follow them into adulthood, making them more susceptible to fall into the fad diet loop.

In order to prevent these issues, always discuss diet changes with your doctor, research diet plans, and place emphasis on nutritious eating and eating enough food. 

You refer to yourself as ugly 

Kids of all ages will mirror their parents. Referring to yourself as ugly gives permission to your tweens and teens to do the same. If your teen is the same size as you, or is biologically related, calling yourself fat or ugly can feel like an attack on how they look. They will internalize these criticisms and it can lead to low self esteem, poor body image, and for them to feel like they can speak about themselves in poor terms as well. 

You refuse to be photographed

Refusing to be part of photos with your children can influence how they view themselves as well. No matter how hard you try to hide them, your kids, especially teens, can see your insecurities. The more comfortable you become with your body and yourself, the more comfortable your kids will be as well.

Confidence is contagious, and the more of that young people can have, the better. 

For more information, please follow @bemoremvmt on Instagram and check out our free resources for parents on our website.