LGBTQ+ Basics All Kids Should Know
This piece was co-authored by Madeleine Sutka and Dev Rheuby
Sexual Education is important for every kid, but queer kids are up against some unique odds. Being prepared to take on a world that is not entirely ready for all of your glory is difficult, but knowing what to expect can help you be better prepared for all the challenges (and exciting moments!) that are to come.
It is important to note that sex ed is about so much more than just the physical act of sex (although we will cover that conversation as well in this series). Sex ed is also about understanding yourself, both internally and physically, and gearing youself with the information you need to make safe decisions for your body, your health, and your overall wellbeing. This means learning about your body, but also understanding who you are as a person and the types of experiences you may have as a result of your gender identity and sexual orientation. Having a solid grasp on sex ed and every subgenre it encompasses will be an invaluable resource as you grow up and learn all about yourself.
Let’s start with the fundamentals: words and what they mean!
Terms & Definitions
Graphic By Raquel Wilkins
AFAB: This stands for “assigned female at birth,” which is the preferred language to use. Older language included “born female” or “biologically female” which are considered inaccurate and defamatory to trans and gender non-conforming individuals.
Ally: A person of any gender identity or sexual orientation who supports LGBTQ+ people and the LGBTQ+ movement. It is important for straight, cisgender allies to listen to members of the LGBTQ+ community and learn from them.
AMAB: This stands for “assigned male at birth,” which is the preferred language to use. Older language included “born male” or “biologically male” which are considered inaccurate and defamatory to trans and gender non-conforming individuals.
Binders: An undergarment meant to flatten the chest. It is important to note that binders can be dangerous. They tightly compress the chest, which can cause bruising, the development of sores, difficulty breathing, and general discomfort. This is in no way a comprehensive list of risks, and there are benefits to binders as well, so be sure to communicate with your doctor about binders for an entirely clear understanding.
Biphobia: Prejudice towards and discomfort with bisexual people. Biphobia often includes the belief that bisexuality is not a real sexual orientation and that bisexual people are not valid in their identity.
BIPOC: This stands for “black, indigenous, and people of color.” It is a term used for inclusivity among marginalized races.
Bisexual: An attraction to two or more genders. This does not mean bisexual people are attracted to everyone they meet, but that their attraction expands beyond just one gender.
Cisgender: A person whose gender identity coincides with their sex assigned at birth.
Dysphoria: The mental and emotional pain that can occur when a transgender person’s physical appearance does not match their gender identity.
Gay: A person attracted to the same gender. This is often used to describe men, but can also be used as a blanket term for anyone with same-sex attraction.
Gender: A person’s perception of their internal identity. Gender differs from sex in the sense that sex represents our physical anatomy and gender represents our individual identity.
Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to the opposite gender (a man attracted to a woman, or a woman attracted to a man).
Homophobia: Prejudice towards and discomfort with gay people. Homophobia can lead to dangerous and sometimes life-threatening situations for gay individuals.
Lesbian: This usually refers to a woman who is attracted to other women. Non-binary people can also use this term.
Non-binary: This term represents people who do not identify with one gender. Some non-binary people also identify as transgender, as their gender identity still differs from their sex assigned at birth.
Outing: Sharing someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation without their consent. Outing someone can be damaging to every aspect of the outed person’s life--whether it be losing housing or employment, rejection and abuse from friends and family, financial and food insecurity, etc.
Pansexual: An attraction to all, regardless of gender. This does not mean that pansexuals are attracted to every person they meet, but rather that their attraction does not have a preference for any gender.
Passing: When a person’s physical appearance matches their gender identity.
Queer: An all-encompassing term for any member of the LGBTQ+ community who feels comfortable using it. This word used to be a slur and has been reclaimed by the LGBTQ+ community. It still shouldn’t be used by straight, cisgender individuals. Some LGBTQ+ people are still uncomfortable with the word and you shouldn’t refer to someone as queer unless they tell you that is what they are comfortable with.
Questioning: The act of figuring out or exploring your gender and/or sexual identity.
Sexuality/Sexual Orientation: Your romantic identity, or the physical, mental, and emotional attraction you feel towards specific people.
Straight: Another word for “heterosexual.” A person who is attracted to the opposite gender (a man attracted to a woman, or a woman attracted to a man).
Transgender: This term refers to people whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth.
Transitioning: The physical changes some transgender people make to align their appearance and gender identity. Transitioning looks different from person to person. Some transgender people may take hormones, use binders, change their clothing style, and/or get top/bottom surgery.
Transphobia: Prejudice towards and discomfort with transgender people. Homophobia can lead to dangerous and sometimes life-threatening situations for transgender individuals.
Stigmas
Stigmas about the LGBTQ+ community are present in society and government and within the community itself. It is important to be aware of the different stigmas facing LGBTQ+ people, even as allies, so that change is put into action and queer individuals can navigate a world that is safe for us as well.
Graphic By Raquel Wilkins
Societal Stigmas
1) We are attracted to everyone. Straight, cisgender people often assume that gay men are attracted to all men, lesbian women are attracted to all women, and bisexual people are attracted to everyone. This belief is meant to create shame within the LGBTQ+ community and spread the idea that queer people are not valid in our identities, we are just sex-crazed. In reality, no person is attracted to every person they meet and LGBTQ+ relationships are fulfilling and very real.
2) We are whiny. Trans, non-binary, and gender-nonconforming people have brought gender-inclusive bathrooms into fruition and created an environment where using people’s preferred pronouns is a more widely accepted practice. Unfortunately, society has often labeled the LGBTQ+ community, and the trans community more specifically, as “whiny” because we actively advocate for ourselves. Advocacy is not complaining or whining, it is powerful. Understanding your needs and speaking up for yourself is powerful. Never let anyone convince you otherwise!
3) Just a phase. It is not uncommon for LGBTQ+ people’s sexual and gender identities to be labeled “a phase”, especially when the queer person is a child. People do not choose their sexual and gender identities, these factors are based on internal feelings. It is disrespectful to question someone else’s identity, and it is not appropriate to assume that a child will “outgrow” their sexual or gender identity. The response should be unwavering support as they continue to learn about and come to terms with who they are.
4) Racial and sexual stigmas.
BIPOC within the LGBTQ+ community face both racial and sexual stigma within society. In 2021 alone there have been twelve documented murders of transgender people in the United States, six of the victims being Black trans women. Additionally, queer BIPOC experience medical racism. Access to healthcare is not always possible, and getting specific medications, such as hormone replacements, PrEP, etc., can be difficult as a result. The concerns of Black women are also regularly and repeatedly ignored in medical settings. The combination of racism and transphobia/homophobia has resulted in death for many queer BIPOC. Being aware of anti-transgender legislature and activity in your area is necessary for the safety of our communities.
5) Fetishization and homophobia.
Lesbian and bisexual women are seen as sexual objects, and television/films/pornography centered around lesbian and bisexual women is often vulgar and unrealistic. The experience of queer men is different. While two women kissing is considered “hot,” two men kissing is considered “gross.” Society expects women to be submissive objects for pleasure, and men are meant to be strong leaders to guide women. Queer people stray from this “norm,” and as a result, society tends to accept the degradation of queer people in all forms.
Graphic By Raquel Wilkins
LGBTQ+ Community Stigmas
1) Biphobia. It is not uncommon for LGBTQ+ people and cisgender, heterosexual people to think that bisexual people are simply “greedy” or “can’t choose” one gender to be attracted to. However, biphobia within the LGBTQ+ community also presents itself through the belief that bisexual people are privileged to pass as straight when they are in an opposite-gender relationship. As a result, bisexual people are regularly ignored in LGBTQ+ dialogue and settings, and mental health struggles and abuse (in all forms) are much more common than they are for gay and lesbian people. In reality, sexuality is not a linear experience, and it is nobody’s place to determine the validity of someone else’s identity.
2) Racism. Queer BIPOC experience sexual and racial stigmas in broader society, but they are also met with racial stigmas within the LGBTQ+ community as well. Racism is especially prevalent for Black trans women, who are murdered at disproportionate rates, and for gay men of color, who are met with racism when dating. It is not uncommon for white, gay men to mention that they are not interested in men of certain ethnic or racial backgrounds on their dating profiles. Racism is always harmful and potentially life-threatening, and basing who you date on race is not a matter of “preference,” it’s racist.
3) Disabled and queer. Many cities are not accessible to wheelchair and walker users, and even spaces that are meant to be safe-havens for LGBTQ+ people are often not accessible to disabled people. Disabled people who require service animals may receive demands for proof of both disability and their need for a service animal (this is illegal, by the way!). Disabled people may be turned away from/have to leave LGBTQ+ spaces and events because of stairs, loud sounds, too-tight spaces, and other forms of blatant ableism. Sometimes, able-bodied people are simply not willing to work with and accommodate disabled people, being LGBTQ+ doesn’t change that.
Governmental Stigmas
1) Marriage Equality.
There are 195 countries across the world, and gay marriage is only legal in 29 of them. Of these 29 countries, 20 legalized gay marriage through national legislation, 7 legalized gay marriage through national court decisions, and 2 legalized gay marriage as required by the court. There are queer people in every country and continent, and while strides have been made for marriage and gender equality in a lot of places, there are still many improvements to be made.
2) Vulnerable Child Compassion and Protection Act.
This bill is one of over sixty proposed anti-trans bills making their way across the United States. The Vulnerable Child Compassion and Protection Act is an Alabama bill, passed by the state Senate on March 3, that requires medical professionals to withdraw trans-related medical care from their provided health services. Any physician that provides transgender-related medical care, such as prescribing hormone replacements or puberty blockers, faces a Class C felony, or up to ten years in prison. The bill also requires educators and school staff to disclose a student’s gender identity to their parents. This is incredibly dangerous for the outed child, as there is no way of knowing how their parent(s) or guardian(s) will react and if the child will be safe.
3) Mississippi.
A bill that bans all transgender girls and women from participating on female sports teams in public schools and universities was signed by Mississippi Governor, Tate Reeves, on March 11. Governor Reeves felt justified in signing the transphobic bill, stating that it was necessary for cisgender girls and women to have a “level playing field.”
4) Arkansas.
A bill that forces all children to play on the sports team that corresponds to their sex assigned at birth was signed by Arkansas Governor, Asa Hutchinson, on March 25. The contents of the bill will also apply to private schools when they are competing against public school sports teams, and the conditions begin in elementary school.
5) Tennessee.
A bill that places middle and high school sports players on teams that correspond to their sex assigned at birth was signed by Tennessee Governor, Bill Lee, on March 26. Schools will verify a child’s sex using their birth certificate, but can require further documentation on a case-to-case basis. This bill entirely erases a child’s gender identity, and it is totalitarian in nature.
No matter what, the only person who defines your gender identity and sexual orientation is you. Being safe, healthy, and informed is the priority. The world can seem scary and uncertain, especially with more anti-LGBTQ+ bills appearing in several states. Remember, it is okay to unplug from the news if it becomes too overwhelming. It is important to take care of yourself and make sure you are healthy. If you are unsure where to turn next, check out GLAAD’s numerous resources regarding the LGBTQ+ community, and if you need help, reach out to a trusted adult or use one of The Trevor Project’s helplines to talk to someone.
